Skeetendo

’Cause all games were better on the GBC

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#1 2011-05-27 00:04:47

dooshboi
Member
From: Brooklyn, New York
Registered: 2010-11-02
Post 66/132

Can you honestly tell me if this is a good prologue?

Chapter 1 (1)

"It's a sunny day in Old Bridge, New Jersey.  Birds singing, not a cloud in the sky, a good day for a swim or for a barbecue. Wouldn't you say, Damien?" Joe grins as he says this, his gray eyes flashing with deep humor.
 I frown and shake my head, leaning up against the side of our small hut. I can't really think of another name for it, because for Gods' sake that's what it is. It's about the size of a two - bedroom apartment, and it's located on a long strip of land ending in the dead center of a lake. The lake is almost always clear, swarming with marine life, just plain wonderful. The hut is blue and green in color, and most of it is powered by the large steel generator located near the water. The generator gives off a constant droning buzz, one that comes to annoy you after awhile. But  I was used to it.
 I push off of the hut and walk to the shore of the water, my worn out sneakers making marks in the hot sand. There's some trees around the peninsula, but the real trees are located down the narrow strip of land, back into the woods on Waterworks Road.
 Joe seems to have realized I wasn't really in the mood for jokes, as it was five o' clock in the morning, so he was now lighting up a cancer stick. The aroma wafts past me and I inhale deeply. Never a smoker myself, but I enjoyed the smell. I reach down and splash my face with some of the cool water, take a quick drink.
 The water here was safe. I feel the urge to jump in and swim a bit, but I never truly feel comfortable swimming anymore. I used to be great at it, on the high school team and everything, but ever since the outbreak I've stopped. Not that I had too much incentive to start again. I sigh and try to push thoughts of the outbreak out of my head.
  All humor aside, Joe was right about this day; warm and sunny, no clouds, a calm, cooling breeze. An artist couldn't have drawn a better picture. Then again, there were no artists left. The only ones still walking were truly starving artists - they'd sell all their work for a nice big chunk of human flesh.
  

Last edited by dooshboi (2011-05-27 02:51:44)


I don't calculate stat values, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones.

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#2 2011-05-27 00:31:14

206/703

Re: Can you honestly tell me if this is a good prologue?

Divide it into paragraphs first. Without them it is completely unreadable.

#3 2011-05-27 00:43:21

dooshboi
Member
From: Brooklyn, New York
Registered: 2010-11-02
Post 67/132

Re: Can you honestly tell me if this is a good prologue?

Done, but I don't think I did it WELL....


I don't calculate stat values, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones.

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